


I'm not their problem

by AngelSimmer64



Category: Raven's Home (TV), That's So Raven
Genre: Abuse, Comfort, Depression, Eating Disorder, F/M, Hurt, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, tess needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelSimmer64/pseuds/AngelSimmer64
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM/DEPRESSION/ABUSE ETC DO NOT READ IF IT MAY UPSET YOUTess is struggling, she has an abusive father and Tess is sure she isn't going to become a burden on the Baxter-Carter household after she overhears what Raven thought was a harmless joke after Tess kept intruding.Will she accept Raven's help?Or will she push her away?DISNEY CHANNELS RAVENS HOME (A THATS SO RAVEN SEQUAL) DOES NOT BELONG TO ME!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM/DEPRESSION/ABUSE ETC DO NOT READ IF IT MAY UPSET YOU 

General POV  
“Hey Miss B I’m here for pizza!” Tess shouts excitedly, closing the apartment door quickly behind her. 

Although Raven loves Tess because she is Nia’s, Booker’s and Levis’ best friend she can’t help but get frustrated at her spending all her time at the house eating all the food and hogging the TV to watch her favourite shows. 

“Of course, you are!” Raven responds mock-excitedly whilst flipping her dark wavy hair. 

“Nia, Booker and Levi aren’t here right now Tess it’s Raven time!” Raven shouts with a little too much enthusiasm chaperoning the small girl out of the apartment, but she could not help but notice Tess flinch at her gentle touch. 

“Finally got rid of another mouth to feed” Raven joked to herself thinking that Tess was out of earshot.

She was not.

And the small girl was broken into tiny pieces. 

Tess was not the kind of girl to let words hurt her, after all her dad never says a kind word to her so she is tougher than the average kid.

But Raven’s words really got to her. 

So, she took all of her anger she had towards herself out and drew angry crimson lines on her forearm with a newly sharpened blade, slightly wincing at the pain and then she very gently put a series of band-aids to cover most of the damage. 

Normally, her father would be out until late gambling the last of their grocery money and getting wasted on any booze he can get his hands on in the casino, her mother was out the picture. Her father was not always a dirty alcoholic with a gambling addiction, but it developed when Tess’s mother left when she was young. Her dad blames her for her mother leaving, in her mothers note she said she was scared to be a mother and was not cut out to be a parent.

Tess laughs at the memory, little did her mother what her father would do to young, innocent Tess.

Her father stumbled through the door, growling. He reeks of old booze and cigarette smoke. 

“What are you doing just standing there, girl?” he roared, his breath laced with the smell of hard scotch. 

Tess backs away instinctively 

“I’m sorry Dad- “she begins, shakily.

“GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH” he roars in response. 

Guess it is no dinner, and an incredibly early night. 

\---  
Tess’s POV

“Hey Tess!” Raven, I mean Miss Baxter chirps.

“Hi Miss Baxter, I’m here to walk with Booker and Nia to school” I hesitantly say, not meeting her eyes.

Raven furrows her brows and cocks her head, like a puppy who’s confused. 

“Since when do you call me Miss Baxter? You are feeling okay Tess?” Raven questions reaching out to feel my forehead, I instantly tense. I do not get good touches from people, only bad touches. 

I nod quickly, hoping for Nia and Booker to magically appear so we can go to school.

I am sick of questions.

“Heeey mom” Booker says cheerfully walking down the stairs texting.

“Booker, I swear you’re going to fall down these stairs someday and when you do I hope I get it on video cause yo mama gonna be famous, I mean… you. But I made you so Imma be famous!” Raven jokes.

“Breakfast is served! Nia get your butt down here your pancakes are going cold” Raven yells up the stairs.

“Tess, breakfast” Raven repeats, firmly.

I hesitate.

Another mouth to feed  
Another mouth to feed  
You good for nothing bitch

“Thanks anyway Miss Baxter but I’m...I’m not hungry”. I stammer nervously.

“Oh, I’m not asking, sit.” She responds simply.

Food is only for good girls. Food is only for lovable people and not pieces of trash like me. A small voice in my head chants.

Nia walks downstairs looking as flawless as usual, I wish I could put as much effort into my appearance as Nia does but I just do not have the energy anymore.

I know I have to eat, Raven’s watching me. But I can’t, I can’t be another mouth for her to feed. 

After making general casual small talk I tentatively cut up my pancakes into even little bites, whilst trying to join in with the conversation. 

“Hey, Tess you’ve barely eaten any of your breakfast and it’s not even like Aunt Chelsea made it, so you know, it probably won’t poison you” Booker joked looking in Chelsea’s general direction, luckily I think she’s out of earshot. 

“I’m not feeling well, I’m going to take the day off I think…my dad will look after me, I’ll see you all later” I rush as a wave of dizziness from lack of food takes over my vision.

“Tess?” are you ok? You look really pale…” Raven starts.

“Yes, I’m fine Miss Baxter, I mean… Miss B. Just need some rest that’s all.” I stammer as I quickly leave the apartment willing the spots in my vision to clear.

“What the actual fuck are you doing back here, you’re meant to be at school” my father spits at me from the sunken armchair.

The velvet has faded over the years and from various spills of drinks it’s become course to touch.

“I forgot my homework; I am sorry Dad” I lie quickly picking up a random textbook and shoving it under my arm. 

Looks like I’m going to have to stay at the park today. 

I call in sick with my best gruff “fatherly” voice and the secretory clearly believes me because she puts the absence through as a sickness and told me to tell my daughter to feel better soon.  
Sighing I tie up my limp brown hair and run, run as fast as I can around the lush green grassy field. Until I hurt.

My eyes set upon a little girl playing football with her father, she can’t be much older than five years old. “Daddy, Daddy, again!” She cried out with laughter, her smile lighting up her small fragile face. 

I sigh when a wave of sadness rushes over me. 

You’ll never have that again, Tess

I know I’ll never have that again. So, I scratch at my newly drawn cuts under my black long-sleeved shirt, just for the extra punishment of dreaming. 

Thankfully, my father stays out the house for a few consecutive nights and I stay out of everyone’s way and starve.  
\--  
“Hey, Tess, long time no see!” Nia jumps up and down like an excited child when she sees me at the door.

Raven is already eying me suspiciously.

“Breakfast, kids!” she shouts, but looks in my general direction.

I shake my head almost instantly.

Raising a singular eyebrow Raven eyes, me up and down.

“Not optional, Tess.” She says firmly. 

“Look Miss B I really appreciate your kindness but it’s okay I’ve already had breakfast!” I lie smiling.

“Fine. But at least stay and help Booker find his homework assignment because I’ve torn that boy’s messy room to shreds and still can’t find it!” Raven cries in exasperation. 

I eye Raven studying me as I begin to walk upstairs.

“Wait, it’s like one hundred degrees outside why are you wearing long sleeved shirts?” Nia jokes.

“Just cold, still haven’t fully recovered from being sick you know how it is” I laugh.

“Nuh uh it is literately a hundred degrees outside you cannot be telling me you’re cold, let me check your temperature” Raven says standing up from her chair.

“No, please just have your breakfast you don’t need to worry about me…. I’m fine” I rush.

School is the same as it always is, usually a waste of my time because I’m not academically gifted and will not be able to get a job in the future because I am a waste of space, well that’s what my dad tells me on the daily anyway. So, I’ve just stopped trying.

Because, what’s the point anymore?

“Hey Tess, you’re coming to our place after school, right?” Booker asks as we walk through the cafeteria.  
I know I can’t get out of that one, I promised them both a long time ago that I would help Levi film a video for his media studies class.  
\--  
“Hey! Here’s the outfit I need you three to wear for my video, it’s trying to promote healthy eating so you’re all dressing up as different fruits” Levi laughs.

Shit, those are all short sleeved.

“I’ll just put it on top of my outfit lil dude, so much easier than changing” I joke praying that he will let me.

“Sure, I mean it will cramp the style, but I can’t force you to match Booker and Nia I suppose” he says shrugging his shoulders.  
\--  
“Let mama see the video you kids made!” Raven rushed in excitedly taking a seat on the couch.

“Why is the banana wearing a checkered shirt under itself?” Raven questions cautiously.

All eyes fall on me.

“thought it could do with a unique style yo” I laugh, unsure what the others may say.

“Tess, can I speak with yo for a minute on the roof?” Raven asks, motioning for me to follow her out of the apartment. 

As I reluctantly followed along up the stairs, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling of pure dread.


	2. Chapter 2

All previous trigger warnings apply!

Tess's POV

Raven clears a seat on cold wire bench for me, gently patting it whilst not breaking eye contact.

Sighing I prepare for the worst.

She’s going to permanently kick me out isn’t she, this is it.

Without realising my breathing is getting quicker and quicker my eyes start to water and I gasp for air, even dirty air on this roof – it’s still air!

Frantically looking around I try and count the things I can see, it’s a grounding technique I taught myself.

“Tess…Tess? Why yo looking at me all crazy for? Are you okay?” all the previous jokiness melted away from Ravens words. 

“hey, hey breathe with me here” Raven instructs, unsure of her own words.

“I’m…I’m sorry Miss Baxter I have to go” I jump out of my seat, seeing those dark spots in my vision I’m familiar with. “I’ll see you soon, okay” I force out as I run as fast as my little legs would carry me down the rickety fire escape steps and back into my own apartment.

“you fucking waste of space” I growl at myself in the mirror.

“You mother fucking waste of space” I yell punching the mirror, sending glass shards flying around the room.

I watch the blood drip down onto the white tiled bathroom floor from my knuckles.

“I deserved that” I said.

\--

**Tess’s POV**

Since Dad’s still away I don’t have to escape from the apartment every morning before school, so today I’m not going to Nia, Bookers and Levi’s apartment across the hall. I will starve in peace.

Nobody would fucking notice anyway.

Whilst staring at my reflection in the shards of broken glass on the floors around me I jolt back into reality when I hear an almost frantic banging.

“Please, please don’t be dad” I pray.

Tentatively I open the door to see a familiar figure with her eyes wide and seemingly concerned.

“Where are yo it’s yo breakfast!” Raven yells jokingly

Suddenly Raven stops the shouting and her face moulds into deep concern.

“Oh. My. God.” I shout, slamming the door at the realisation.

Frantically searching for a jacket or anything long sleeved I shove it on and hope to god she didn’t see it.

But judging by her face through the peep hole she did see it.

“Tess. We need to talk, can I come in?” Raven asks softly.

“No! I um, my dads getting dressed and he likes to walk around naked, so I tend to stay out the living room until he … uh… finds his clothes?” I almost finish the end of the sentence as a futile question.

“Come with me” Raven says authoritatively.

Raven takes me up the stairs of the roof again but this time she stands defensively in the way of the exit.

Motioning at her forearms, Raven raises her eyebrows in sheer concern.

“Look, Miss B I’m fine I just cat-sat for a friend and- “ I start

“Bullshit” she interrupts

I have never ever heard her swear before.

“Excuse me?” I question.

“You’re allergic to cats, try again” Raven prompts with her arms folded.

Walking up to me, she pulls up my sleeves and screeches at what she sees.

“it’s not what it looks like- “ I start whilst sitting down on the cool metal bench.

“Then what is it?” she fires back.

“I…I can’t explain it okay Miss B you’ll think I’m crazy and you’ll take Nia, Booker and Levi away from me…they’re almost all I have at the moment” I say hysterically.

Hastily I get up off the seat but the darkness clouds my vision, but this time causing me to have to sit down.

“When was the last time you ate?” you look like a stick figure.” Raven asks.

Standing back up again I ready myself to fight back.

“Look, I’m not your child nor your responsibility okay. I’m fine on my own… I appreciate you care but you have your own lives and I’m not going to be a burden, nor another mouth for you to feed.” I start.

Raven stops dead in her tracks.

“another mouth… to feed?” she repeats.

“yes.” I say before trying to run through the exit.

“you’re not another mouth to feed, for goodness sake you’re like another child to me Tess” she begins.

“I’m not though, I don’t have to be at all!” I shout.

Gradually edging closer Raven slips up Tess’s sleeves again and studies the crimson creations.

“Who did this to you? Because when I find them, they gon’ get it” Raven yells.

“I did! I did it because I fucking hate myself okay, I don’t want to live anymore Miss B but I’m not your problem” I yell defensively.

It was that moment I saw Raven Baxter cry in front of me.

“How can you say that?” she cries holding my arm protectively.

“Look, Miss B I’m sorry I’ve already said too much” I gently say starting to walk towards the exit.

Raven studies me again.

My small frame, my sunken face.

“When was the last time you ate?” Raven quizzes.

That question knocks me off guard and I start to stare at her like a deer caught in headlights.

“Mom what on earth are you two doing up here we’ve got school in like half an hour” Nia pants.

Close behind followed Booker also out of breath from chasing after Nia.

“Tess. Tess isn’t eating, I need her to eat” Raven shouts at Nia and Bookers general direction.

Nia’s face softens out of confusion but then moulds into the same concerned face her mother made earlier.

“is that true?” Nia asks innocently.

“There’s barely anything of you, why aren’t you eating?” Raven almost yells, making both her children and I jump.

And with that, I briskly walk through the exit and into my shitty apartment.

Observing the empty bottles, broken glass and blood on the porcelain white tiled floor I sigh.

“Just another day in paradise” I say to myself sadly.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for all the kind and supportive words, without you guys I wouldn't have continued this fanfic as I was only going to leave it at a few chapters and probably forget about it... now I've got some more drama and new chapters coming your way!**

**All previous trigger warnings apply do not read if self harming, abuse, implied non-consensual sex, suicidal Ideation etc upsets you.**

I fucked up; I know I fucked up by telling Miss B how I was feeling.

“You’re a fucking waste of space, Tess” I shriek at the broken mirror in my crappily tiled bathroom, I pause to observe the broken and scratched second-hand bathtub and debate if it was worth turning that bath water crimson red tonight.

Most of the morning I spend pacing up and down my bedroom in sheer panic, what if Miss B calls my dad…what if she calls the cops? What if she tells the school and I get kicked out?

Life isn’t worth fucking living.

Times going painfully slowly and each time I glance at the clock nothing seems to be changing, time doesn’t seem to be passing and I’m stuck in this constant state of panic.

My ancient iPhone buzzes to life on a shattered piece of glass from the mirror.

It’s Tess.

Of course, it’s Tess.

I need to be careful sending messages on this phone, it’s a pay as you go contract and I get some money from Miss B for helping her with her chores from time to time but it’s not enough to get a decent contract.

**Nia:** Hey Tess, look we need to talk…we all care about you so much and we’re worried about you… please come over. We wont talk about anything if you don’t want to, we just want to know you’re safe you know… we love you T.

After letting go of the deep breath I didn’t know I was holding, I turned off the phone and threw it on my bedsheet.

Hearing the key turn in our door made me jump out of my daze I had been in for the past hour, oh my god. He’s home.

Rapidly scanning the room, I curse myself for making such a mess when I was so upset. I quickly shoved every single thing I can find into a black bag and stuffed it under my bed.

He’s home

He’s home

He’s home

The words danced in my head like angry wasps, waiting to sting.

“Honey I’m home” he mocked, his eyes meeting mine.

“Hey Dad, welcome home” I smile sweetly.

With a blink his face turned to thunder and the anger in his deep brown eyes erupted.

“It’s father to you, girl” he roared.

His breath stank of alcohol.

Again.

“Time for you and I to have some ‘quality time’ I think, my little Tess” he sneered.

I gulped.

I know what that means.

And my soul left my body again that night.


	4. Chapter 4

Rubbing my eyes after a dreamless sleep I get rudely awoken by the horrible scent of my father.

“What the fuck are you still doing here, get to school early and do your homework or something there you good for nothing waste of space…get the hell out of my house” he spat pushing me by the shoulders out of the apartment door.

“Daddy, please- “I begin.

He just turned away and slammed the door to what used to be home.

I’m so tired.

I’m so fucking tired of living.

Reaching into the pocket of my hoodie my fragile fingers grasp the stick of concealer and I begin to conceal the doings of last night.

How could he do these things to his own flesh and blood?

_For the love of a daughter? – (Demi Lovato reference there)_

Gingerly I knock on the Baxter-Carter households apartment door, and it opens promptly to a concerned Chelsea.

“Tess, hi! We weren’t expecting you, since you were dodging all our calls, texts and house visits we didn’t think you wanted to see us…” she begins.

“Oh, sorry Chelsea I just wanted to say hi to you guys…” I cut in.

As Miss B walks down the stairs I get hit by a strong and powerful wave of dizziness to the point all I can see is black.

“Honey sit down…have some water” Chelsea says guiding me to the lump of stone they call a couch.

As my eyes meet Ravens, I know she’s concerned.

“Tess, look at me” she starts, kneeling down on the floor.

“Man, I’m too old for this…I don’t have the knees no more Chels” she jokes.

Smiling politely, I observe both woman in front of me, with concern etched in each of their faces.

“Look, Tess… I don’t know what’s going on with you to cause all of… this” Raven starts, motioning to my frail body curled on the couch next to a glass of water. “But something is wrong, and I can’t help you unless you tell me but you can’t keep trying to push me away girl cause it ain’t gonna work am I right or am I right” she jokes to Chelsea.

“Yeah, Ray won’t back down when she wants to help someone, I mean I was at my lowest when I divorced and kept having all the constant questions from Levi and Ray picked me up and helped me see the sun” she begins.

“I appreciate the concern Miss B and Chelsea but I’m fine, really.” I state irritated.

“I am not your problem, and I never will be” I say firmly.

Sighing Raven puts her hands on knees and locks her eyes onto mine.

“I’m not buying this ‘I’m fine’ funny business Tess” she tilts her head to the side like a confused puppy. “I just don’t know why you won’t let us in” she trails.

“Honestly, I’m fine guys, I’d love to stay and chat but I’m late for school so…” I start.

“Nuh uh that ain’t gonna fly with me” Raven states.

After some uncomfortable staring and agonising silence Chelsea grabs my frail hand and strokes it gently, motherly.

“Honey, can I see what you’re hiding?” she asks, sweetly.

After no response she lifts up the sleeves of my hoodie and gasps at the sight.

“There’s more Chels, these are fresh” Raven says, looking fearful.

“Tess, you need to tell your dad about the self-harming, he can get you help” Chelsea smiles sympathetically.

I shake my head quickly in frustration

“He’s the reason” I whisper.

Observing Raven and Chelsea’s worried glances I feel a huge pang of sadness, guilt and regret.

Raven starts to rub my shoulder gently as I jump in fear of touch.

“We’re here now baby, we’re here” she whispers.

“Please, don’t tell him…he’ll get really mad” I start.

“We won’t Tess, but we need more answers sweetheart…we just want you to be safe” Raven says softly.

As the tears start to fall, I realise just what went down.

“I’m not your problem” I state, louder and more assertively this time.

“You’re not a problem, you’re my childs best friend and I’m going to protect you, help you and keep you safe… Tess baby you can’t deny that you need that” Raven continues.

“I do… but I don’t deserve it…I don’t deserve anything” I cry digging my nails into my palm.

Sadly, Raven takes my hand and moves it away from the other.

“Let’s not hurt yourself no more, yeah” she smiles.

Looking down my sore palms I wonder, will I ever be able to stop hurting myself?


End file.
